snap back to reality

When I was a kid my mom told me I was special. She said i was smarter, sharper and more talented than anyone else in the world. Like all you fools: I believed my mom. I thought I was meant for great things, I wasn't average and was born to change the world. That was then.

As I sit here now, cemented to these musty, termite-consumed walls with a bullet approaching in slow motion- targeted to the middle of my forehead, I laugh.

My skin is melting and as it drops, it stains the spotless carpet below. Time, space and mass all become visible entities, engaged in a snake-dance. Like ribbons blowing in stormy winds, they twist and entwine- evading,embracing and consuming each other. I can remember the face of my physics teacher telling me about the universal law of gravity and i smile as i free fall(or free rise) towards the Sky. The ground below my feet, that I always took for granted, ceases to exist and the sky is melting into streams of molten hues. Meaning has lost its meaning and words are just random sounds.

Don't get me wrong. I;m not as nihilistic as u think. In fact I'm your regular chirpy bird, but I can see further than you. I can see through your skin, and do you know what I see? Not a conscientious soul, nor a love filled heart. Neither pain, nor happiness. I don't see guilt or pride: neither an angel, nor the Satan. I see muscles, blood, bones and all the fragile organs you read in biology about. The same things I see in a dog or a cat or even a rat.

Don't let them fool you. You don't have a destiny, you do not have a purpose. You shall answer no one when you die, nor will knock on any pearly gates.You are a "probability" and a very low one for that. You were born due to a chemical reaction and will die because of one. Your thoughts, memories, even your consciousness are all just illusions, Your existence a mere chance.

You call yourself free? What does the word freedom mean? Who enslaved you in the first place?. What made you aware and crave for "freedom"? We are all slaves-not to any external force, but only to our selves. Freedom is not from an outside power but from your own pre-conditioned brains! You slog for the first 17 years of life to go to a prestigious college. There you slog for another 3-5 years so that you get a good job. You want this job so that you can slog for another 40 years so that you can die comfortably! So basically we start working our a**es off from the moment we are born, preparing for your own death. You don't need 80 years of hard work to die comfortably, all you need is a gun!(or some pills).

I guess it makes you feel better, adding schedules, aims, systems and hollow missions to your life. It gives you consolation, makes you feel important, and gives you a purpose. That is all very well, but do not make the mistake of believing any of it! You were NOT born to do ANYTHING. You do it because 80 years is too long a wait, and too hard to pass without doing anything.

My waiting is over though, there goes the last part of my body. A short lived, rare probability that will now cease to exist.