wishlist- pearljam

i wish i wish i wish i wish...i guess it never stops

Hallelujah!!

praise the lord:)

Good bye my lover...good bye my friend!!

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

good bye my lover

a bit soppy..but this guys to the only man of my life:(

picture- kid rock and sheryl crow

KID ROCK
Living my life in a slow hell
Different girl every night at the hotel
I ain't seen the sun shine in three damn days
Been fuelin' up on cocaine and whiskey
Wish I had a good girl to miss me
Lord I wonder if I'll ever change my ways

I put your picture away
Sat down and cried today
I can't look at you
While I'm lying next to her
I put your picture away
Sat down and cried today
I can't look at you while I'm lying next to her

oooooooooooo

SHERYL CROW
I called you last night in the hotel
Everyone knows but they won't tell
But their half-wided smiles tell me something just ain't right
I've been waitin on you for a long time
Fueling up on heartaches and cheap wine
I ain't heard from you in three damn nights

I put your picture away
I wonder where you've been
I can't look at you while I'm lying next to him

oooooooooo

I put your picture away
I wonder where you've been
I can't look at you while I'm lying next to him

oooooooooo

I saw you yesterday with an old friend

KID ROCK
It was the same old same how have you been

BOTH
Since you've been gone my world's been dark and grey

KID ROCK
You reminded me of brighter days

SHERYL CROW
I hoped you were coming home to stay
I was headed to church

KID ROCK
I was off to drink you away

BOTH
I thought about you for a long time
Can't seem to get you off my mind
I can't understand why we're living life this way

I found your picture today
I swear I'll change my ways
I just called to say I want you to come back home
ooooooooo

Snow Flakes

This is the story of 2 snow flakes. They met each other on their way down from the skies...still young and full of dreams they struck up a conversation. Since for us humans its very difficult to differentiate one snow flake from another, so for the sake of convenience lets call them Itty and bitty.
Both Itty and Bitty were beautiful snow flakes, each with their unique patterns, done intricately as if some artist who took all his time to carve each detail, each pattern and who was also very careful to never repeat a pattern, thus making each snow flake different and individual in their identity. They spoke to each other about their dreams, their aspirations and their destinies

“You know I just know I’m not like the other snowflakes, I was born for something big. I know that one day I shall change the world and will be remembered forever.”, said Itty. “I know what you mean”, replied Bitty; “You know just look at all these others, they’re all like sheep following each other, but I never will be one of the crowd, I will do something great.”

The other snowflakes overheard their conversation and laughed at them. “Just look at these ignorant ones”, they said. “Don’t they know we’re just snow flakes? What can we really do? We’re falling on the earth and before its morning we’ll melt into nothingness, and really how much can u do in a night?”. They all wanted to just enjoy their night and experience the warmth and beauty of the earth.

As the journey of that batch of snowflakes ended, they all reached the Earth. Some of them fell on the hard, snow covered ground, some hit the roof tops and others in lakes, on cars, etc. As they reached the ground they just relaxed and soaked in the beauty that surrounded them. They talked and giggled and enjoyed waiting for the end of their tiny lives but enjoying every second of it.

Itty and Bitty too were about to hit the ground when they saw below them a little frozen humming bird. “poor bird”, said Itty sadly, looks like she got caught in the blizzard and is freezing to death.”. “Oh, I wish I could help her, she looks so tired and thirsty”, added bitty. Itty had solemn expression on her face and said “you know what?, maybe we can”, and saying that she gathered all her strength and tried to land on the humming birds lips. It required a lot of strength and she was sweating (or melting) profusely in trying to do so. Bitty understood wat her friend was doing and she started doing the same. “Look at these crazy flakes”, laughed the others. “They were just talking about changing the world and now they’re committing suicide to quench the birds thirst”. A snow flake that was peacefully lying on a beautiful red flower said rolling her eyes “ Even if they miraculously make it to the bird, how long will 2 drops of water keep her alive?”

Ignoring the others Itty and Bitty kept on with their efforts and miraculously a little breeze saw what they were doing. The breeze felt sad for the bird too and so took the 2 brave snowflakes on her wings and flew them straight to the dying humming birds beak. Extremely weakened and in their last breath, Itty and bitty held each others hand and said “May be this is what we were born for” and saying that they melted completely into 2 drops of water. The bird drank the drops and slowly opened her eyes. She was still very weak but with her thirst quenched, she waited for the end more peacefully. The other snow flakes discussed itty and Bitty’s stupidity and felt proud that they themselves would probably live a long life of 2-3 days, while the flakes who wanted to change the world were dead within minutes of landing. “Its so cold here that it looks like we wont melt for at least a couple of days. We shall all live a long meaningful life, talking and being with each other, surrounded by flakes we love and care about. Imagine killing yourself for a stupid bird, who will die before the morn anyway.”, Said a popular, friendly flake. The others agreed.

They all sat and chatted together, when the morning hour broke. The bird was still alive, but barely so and knew she wouldn’t make it through another frozen day. When suddenly, and out of the blue clouds a golden ray arrived and asked the ground if this was the frozen land of Zamaria?. The happy snowflakes didn’t pay any attention and just carelessly replied that it was. “Oh thank god”, said the ray. “Me and my friends had been looking for this place since days, but we got quite lost.”, saying this the golden ray turned and shouted at the top her lungs- “Come one guys, this is the place.”; The snow flakes humming conversations came to a sudden halt and they all looked at each other in dismay. They all looked up at the same time and saw a million golden rays running in their direction. The sun had come through the clouds and was sending out his golden rays to Zamaria and do what they are supposed to, bring warmth and light to the Earth that is.

The snow flakes shivered in fear as they saw the rays arrive and slowly started melting one by one. Some of the rays saw the frozen bird and rushed to her aid. They covered her in a group hug and grought her warmth, they sang into her ears and asked her to wake up. “wake up brave bird”, one ray said, “We are here now, You will not die, we will save you”. The humming bird feeling stronger and warmer lifted her neck and said “Thank you dear sun rays, Even I believe that I will live now, but unfortunately its not u but 2 snow flakes called “itty and bitty saved me first”. “Itty and Bitty?”, exclaimed the rays; “they must be the world bravest snow flakes In the world”. “That they were”, said the bird and I know that I’ll remember them for ever.

Unfortunately the other snow flakes had melted before this, and so never knew how 2 “little” snow flakes had changed the world. The world is what we make of it.

Phoenix rises

You know those times when you read what you wrote a few days back and feel nothing short of a jack ass. As i stare at the screen and read my last post...i can see on the own screen my own reflection (in a very filmy style) pointing her finger back at me and laughing the loudest laugh ive heard in my life. The person who i wrote that letter to has thrown my heart on the floor and danced on the shattered pieces.
As i stared at him that day...blood pouring down my face i knew that the last few years have been a waste of life. For i know today that was right before those years when i knew that love was myth.. invented and promoted to by men to keep the women under their control and to ensure the propagation and purity of their blood line. Its nothing but a farce and its all a matter of convenience. And to all u bastards who are smirking reading this and thinking it to be ramblings of a scorn woman i wish u cud see which finger im holding up to u right now.

So i post this today...and say all this publicly so that if ever in my life i write a soppy lovey post this post reminds me of the TRUTH and snap me back from the "love spell". And if any of my frenz out there read this..if i ever come to u claiming to have met "the love of my life" my request u to is this----------"SLAP MY FACE AS HARD AS YOU CAN AND SCREAM IN MY EAR AS LOUD AS YOU CAN AND IF YOU CAN FIND A BLUNT WEAPON HIT MY HEAD AND CRACK IT OPEN" so i get reminded what "love" really feels like.

So all you ppl from my past..if you had already mourned the loss of the "old Garima" good news for u---- I'M BACK!! Like the phoenix that burns itself to ashes and from those ashes she is born again in all our scarlet and flaming glory...brighter and more beautiful than she was ever before. So guys if we fought coz i had changed...let the bygones be bygones and lets start again..where we left of. And to those who told me they were so happy by the changes in me..i guess you wont like what you see but too bad my friends for I tried walking your path...and truly- IT SUCKS! I dont want to be "nice and good" i dont want the world to love me and i really dont care abt being the topic of a roadside tea joint discussion. But after very long I'm laughin, hopping and being the light and life of the whole room and i LOVE "me" this way.
More shall come soon i guess coz everything is blocked on my office comp...and not much work to do...

go get yourself a beer from me
Party on
cheers!!!!

A letter not meant to be read

This goes out to the person who makes my life seem beautiful, even from the middle of shit, where we are stuck right now, I write this today, here coz I know you wont read it…and we’re too close for me too say these soppy things to you without turning crimson with embarrassment. Yet I know that no matter how obvious things are, or how shy you feel saying something you feel, you should say it…for unsaid words are the most painful regrets in life.

I don’t take people for granted, no one. Life has taught me the hard way that it takes a second for someone who is indispensable in your life to vaporize into nothingness and be gone forever. So I must say these things…for I don’t want to live wondering whether you really know.

Life has been tough this last year…at times tougher then I ever expected it to be. The ground beneath my feet was pulled away and I saw how flimsy the ground we walk on really is. We have seen times that no one should and we have lived in ways that no one should. Everything that can go wrong has and the world seems to be conspiring against you and me. And yet I’m happier today than I have ever been. I’m complete in a way that I’ve never been and the flimsy, unpredictable ground under the feet has been replaced by a platform so stable and solid that I can spin carelessly with my eyes closed and not be scared to fall coz I know you’ll hold me.

All those who went away…didn’t deserve us. All those who hurt us have helped us in ways they’ll never realize and all the bad times have brought us together in a way that fun and good times never can. Baby those who can never be happy for us having found each other are better as far away as possible from our little dream world, for the flowers in this world are trampled under the weight of ill feelings. We’ve been through all that and we know we were just meant to be.

I pity all those who’ll never know you…as I know you. I thank lord coz I know how close I was to not see you for what you really are. How blind I was to not see for all those years, what I see in you today. And how blind others still are for not seeing through that shell, and how lucky I am that you gave me the privilege to see through.

You are my dad-child. You are the father figure I think I was always looking for. You make me feel protected and safe. I get lost in that hug and become a little spoiled girl around you, craving for your constant attention. You take all my tantrums and fulfill all my whims. Yet, you are also my little baby that always needs me to calm him down. I have to take YOUR tantrums and your whims…and trust me I love itJ.I love cooking for you and hearing you fuss about what I cooked and even though I complain…I love doing it for you. I love comforting you and telling you everything will be okay and of course you’re my little baby who needs constant attention. I wonder how u can slip in and out of both those roles so easily and smoothly.

You are also my best friend. I think I didn’t even know what that term really meant till now. You are the one I want to spend every free minute I have. I love talking to you, discussing anything and everything and at times just sitting quietly side by side for hours without talking and not having the pressure to make any conversation. I love coming sulking to you about how bad my day went or how horrible the world is and how the day suddenly becomes one of the most beautiful of my life coz u spend the rest of it just hugging me and cuddling.

I love how you understand everything I want to say before I say it. I love how u can see one expression on my face and know every thought that’s going thru my head and every feeling I feel. I love it that I don’t have to say anything..you can just walk into a room and know I'm in a bad mood and come and give me a huge hug and make it better.

I love how I have some one to come home to and home for someone to come home to everyday. I love opening the door and seeing you there. Its amazing how my face still breaks into the biggest smile and how my heart still flutters at the sight of you. I love walking while holding your hand and how no one will mess with me then.

I can probably go on and on….but the point is…that I love how beautiful you have made my life by just being in it. And no amount of bullshit that life pitches at me will effect me too much coz you’re there with me and things cant be that bad when I have u to give me a huge bear hug and promise me that tomorrow will be much better.

Thank you my baby…for showing me that “love” is not a fiction or a fairy tale…and for making EVERYTHING better

When the wax masks melt...

One of the ugliest sights in the world is that when a person gets unmasked. Life just rips off the smile along with its face and you see that person for what they really are…the hideous face that remained covered for years under the plastic smile and marble eyes. The process of the unmasking is as disgusting as they come. First there is that familiar face...that soothing smile…those eyes that say “I understand”. Then suddenly one day cracks appear little, tiny almost undetectable and when you notice them for the first time you cant believe it and often blame your own eyes for playing tricks on you, then one day the evil inside starts seeping through the ever widening fissures. First as a tiny green trickle until the plastic gives way to the slimy flow and crumbles under its push. The rotten flesh and bones that have been gnawed away by the evil inside, give out a stench so overwhelming that you are knocked out cold. Then when you wake up, they are gone…gone with there rotten insides but the cracked plastic mask still remains on the floor near your foot…the kind smile has been distorted into the most evil grimace and you wonder for a minute if it was all a dream. But life is hardly ever that kind and you know it’s real. What follows is pain…lots and lots of it coz you realize that they took with them a part of your innocence, the rarest and most invaluable commodity in the world today. You will not be the same ever again. You feel totally violated. For you let a masked stranger into your soul for so long and they saw your innermost self, more naked than being unclothed, and worse you let them.

The past one year has made me see the unmasking of so many people that it hardly even shocks me anymore. Its like the past one year turned everything I knew on its head. I feel today as the past 22 years of my life were just a comatose dream, and everyone I knew never existed, ever.

My best friends, who swore to be there even in the darkest phases of life just vaporized into nothingness. I’ve heard of friends bailing on you in tough times, but my friends have done everything they could to make my life tough, when it was smooth and then bailed.
Unconditional friendship is a myth I’ll never believe in anymore. One of those Santa Claus type fantasy stories for gullible young people. The funny thing however is I’m okay. For I know today that my decisions were right and my choices were right. They bailed coz I was headed towards bliss and happiness, I walked anyway and I’m happy for I have found my soul mate and I know I’ll never need anyone ever again. So all those who walked off…to them I say thank you. You gave me the courage to follow my heart by your heartlessness. I might have problems...everyone does but I know I wont witness an unmasking again.

I’m writing all this today for I’m at the threshold of another new year of my life and it makes me think how different life was just 12 months ago…my last birthday and now this one that’s coming. I’m not even that girl anymore. She seems like a stranger, or maybe a distant acquaintance that remains bleary in my memories. In just one year I’ve become a woman.

Thank you once more, to all those who have hurt me and caused me pain. I would have never become what I am today if it weren’t for you. To all those I love I wish friends like I’ve had so you know what the world is really like and help you become a strong and solid man/woman.

The Achiever (song)

Does it give you some pleasure?
Does it make you happy?
The little white badge with your employee I.D
Tied to your neck, that black satin tie
The mirrored shoes and frameless eye?

You're so great, you're an achiever
You're so cool, oh aren't you a winner?
you're better, you're better, oh you're so much better
than the rest of the world!

Do you feel fulfilled?
feel important and special?
the six bold figures on your pay-check!
Your briefcase, gate passes and CCTV
The log in and passwords- High security!

You're so great. you're an achiever.
You're so cool, oh aren't you a winner?
King of your floor, duke of your staff
You're the ruler, the ruler, the greatest ruler
of your cubicle.

When you were little, you knew you were special,
would change the world, and be remembered for ever.
Schooling killed you, education was lethal.
Now you're rich and the world is the same,
So you know,
That you're the mighty achiever!

I hope you're ecstatic
I hope you're happy
With your leave schedule and company policy
faceless existence and community living
And the two bedroom flat in a posh colony!

You're so great, you're an achiever
You're so cool, oh aren't you a winner?
you're better, you're better, oh you're so much better
than the rest of the world!

snap back to reality

When I was a kid my mom told me I was special. She said i was smarter, sharper and more talented than anyone else in the world. Like all you fools: I believed my mom. I thought I was meant for great things, I wasn't average and was born to change the world. That was then.

As I sit here now, cemented to these musty, termite-consumed walls with a bullet approaching in slow motion- targeted to the middle of my forehead, I laugh.

My skin is melting and as it drops, it stains the spotless carpet below. Time, space and mass all become visible entities, engaged in a snake-dance. Like ribbons blowing in stormy winds, they twist and entwine- evading,embracing and consuming each other. I can remember the face of my physics teacher telling me about the universal law of gravity and i smile as i free fall(or free rise) towards the Sky. The ground below my feet, that I always took for granted, ceases to exist and the sky is melting into streams of molten hues. Meaning has lost its meaning and words are just random sounds.

Don't get me wrong. I;m not as nihilistic as u think. In fact I'm your regular chirpy bird, but I can see further than you. I can see through your skin, and do you know what I see? Not a conscientious soul, nor a love filled heart. Neither pain, nor happiness. I don't see guilt or pride: neither an angel, nor the Satan. I see muscles, blood, bones and all the fragile organs you read in biology about. The same things I see in a dog or a cat or even a rat.

Don't let them fool you. You don't have a destiny, you do not have a purpose. You shall answer no one when you die, nor will knock on any pearly gates.You are a "probability" and a very low one for that. You were born due to a chemical reaction and will die because of one. Your thoughts, memories, even your consciousness are all just illusions, Your existence a mere chance.

You call yourself free? What does the word freedom mean? Who enslaved you in the first place?. What made you aware and crave for "freedom"? We are all slaves-not to any external force, but only to our selves. Freedom is not from an outside power but from your own pre-conditioned brains! You slog for the first 17 years of life to go to a prestigious college. There you slog for another 3-5 years so that you get a good job. You want this job so that you can slog for another 40 years so that you can die comfortably! So basically we start working our a**es off from the moment we are born, preparing for your own death. You don't need 80 years of hard work to die comfortably, all you need is a gun!(or some pills).

I guess it makes you feel better, adding schedules, aims, systems and hollow missions to your life. It gives you consolation, makes you feel important, and gives you a purpose. That is all very well, but do not make the mistake of believing any of it! You were NOT born to do ANYTHING. You do it because 80 years is too long a wait, and too hard to pass without doing anything.

My waiting is over though, there goes the last part of my body. A short lived, rare probability that will now cease to exist.

Pseudo Intellectuals beware

hi guys,
Well a lot of my friends were always asking me why i never created a blog and i always shrugged my shoulders in reply. Today I have created one and i did so with nervous, shivering fingers. Don't get me wrong, its not that i have nothing to say or am scared of people reading my thoughts the reason is much more scary than that. To tell you the truth I'm petrified of pseudo intellectuals. I can't stand to breathe in the same space as someone who must always say something about everything. I'm embarrassed to a puddle of murky water when i see someone pouring garbage out of their mouths with a look of smugness on their face.

So all you people, please do me this favour- DO NOT BULLSHIT. This is my space and I've created it not to look smart or feel smart or boost any ones ego. I would welcome all sincere posts and comments, no matter how badly they're worded or how short they are. What i will not allow are posts written out of an idiotic need to sound like u know it all. So please ppl, do away with the habit of writing your posts on MS word and then using the "synonym" option to replace the nice and simple words with "blogertronianticious" ones. Thanks but no Thanks:). Blogs to me have come to mean the same as "bullshit-logs" and i don't want this space to turn into that. I want it to be real... I want all of you to be real. Don't read my posts if it doesn't make sense to you as i write for myself and not for anyone else.

Thanks for your patience,

garima

"keep it real!"